so whats wrong with being truthful, even if it means your blunt?

[dc dalton]

I was just reading Chris' response to him being called blunt (and sometimes rude) "over there" and it got me thinking. I get a lot of the same thing, there are people who absolutely hate me because I'll tell it like it is and let the chips fall where they may.

SO let me ask you folks ........would you prefer to have smoke blown (you know) or have someone tell you the truth about something. Would you prefer to have people lie (that's how I see it) to you just to spare your feelings?

Personally I can't stand this "political correctness gone nuts" and "don't have an opinion" stuff. Now I do agree you cant say and do anything you want without some thinking about other's feeling but when it comes to someone asking me a question I figure they asked so they want to know .... so here ya go.

Wadda Ya think?

[Chris]

Definitely, people take PC way too far. Half the reason I'm such a big fan of South Park is how they really satire the whole modern PC movement.

[MrGeeK]

I work on this principle: "If you don't want to know, don't ask", ie I'm blunt/straight to the point/etc. (This is a problem only when the missus asks something like, Do I look good in this?)

Sure I take into account the persons feelings, most of the time - I suffer fools badly.

It has at times gotten me into a little bit of trouble, but then the other 99.999999% of the time people seem to appreciate it.

[KLB]

The people I tend to like the most are the ones who are brutally honest and maybe a little blunt. These are the people you can trust. They tell it like it is and you ussually know where you stand with them. I know that Dave and I can have it out in the admin area of our forum and be done and over with it. I like this. I think that some PC is simply being cowardly.

[dc dalton]

The people I tend to like the most are the ones who are brutally honest and maybe a little blunt. These are the people you can trust.

Exactly and I dont want to have to worry about someone BSing me just because of my feelings! I want to know the truth .... hate me, love me, dont give a rat's ^ss just have the guts to tell me!

Half the problems I had in the corporate world (and why I'm not there anymore) was these sneaky little corporate swine who would smile and tell you anything, ony to turn around and stab you in the back!



They tell it like it is and you ussually know where you stand with them. I know that Dave and I can have it out in the admin area of our forum and be done and over with it. I like this. I think that some PC is simply being cowardly.

Ha! Our arguments are nothing compaired to what me and my best friend (my server admin guy) do ... we have literally been screaming at each other at the top of our lungs and 5 minutes later we are laughing our butts off and having a blast.

I think that's one major problem with all this PC stuff .... when you do tell someone the truth or have an argument they take it as a personal attack because they aren't used to it anymore. People have to learn you can argue, fight, kick and scream and still be friends.

AND IMO friends ALWAYS tell friends the truth for the simple fact they ARE friends! Lying to a friend (to me) is like cheating on your better half ... it's just NOT right!

[KLB]

Oh man I used to work in an office with a whole mess of very strong headed individuals and I actually had two bosses at equal level. One boss was safety the other was operations. These were big loud men and it was a trucking company. The arguments could be loud and heated but when the argument was over everyone toed the line of the decision and life went on like nothing happened. That's where I learned not to take things personally. It was all business.

The fun for me was determining who to listen to when giving countermanding orders from my two bosses. Usually if it was a safety or regulatory issue I deferred to the safety boss and when it was an operational issue I deferred to the operations boss. Oh the operations boss had his office painted in a white that had a shade of pink to it because it unnerved people.

[dc dalton]

Well I guess my worst experience with this was when the new management came in at the Chubb Institute ... they tried to get us to lie to the students all the time about stuff that was damn important. I just couldn't do it! Man i got my butt hauled into the directors office more times than I can count. I finally just had to quit, I just couldn't stand up in front of 35 students, look them in the eye and then tell them what the "company" wanted them to hear.

[Cutter]

The problem with online communication is your intentions are easily mis-interpreted. Words are just a small fraction of what communication is, the rest is body language and tone of voice. Thats all missing here, so your mind fills in the blanks.

You can say the exact same thing to two people, one of them thinks you are telling them to F off, while the other takes it as valuable advice and says thank you. I have had this happen to me personally, not just on a stranger on a random forum, but with someone who I knew in person and was talking to on a forum.

When its personal discussion online, I tone things down as much as possible and assume people have good intentions with what they are saying.

Not taking anything personally in business is a whole other issue. People that can't handle it don't get very far.

[moonshield]

I read somewhere that something like 60% of all messages online are misinterpreted in terms of intention and tone.

[dc dalton]

I read somewhere that something like 60% of all messages online are misinterpreted in terms of intention and tone.

Well I chock a lot of that up to some people's horrible writing skills! Personally I re-read all my threads (well usually) if it's a heated topic or it may be taken wrong. Yeah I can stick my foot in my mouth with the best of them.

But I'm not really talking idle gossip or anything like that, I'm talking when someone is obviously asking for an opinion or an answer to some question.

[KLB]

I read somewhere that something like 60% of all messages online are misinterpreted in terms of intention and tone.

Hence we all need to cut people a little extra slack in forums especially in a heated debate.

[Peter T Davis]

Heck, if people were being kicked off staff at Sitepoint for being rude, I'd have gone before Chris. I don't think that being rude was necessarily a primary reason for all this, but then I'm not in the know in any meaning of the word on this whole process.

[Erin]

I try to be diplomatic in all situations on my own forums, but one thing I've learned is that the true coders/web people/whatever, don't always couch their yes or no in a padding of politeness. If you really want to know the answer to something, be prepared for a simple yes or no.

On one or two occasions, Chris has answered me with a simple "no" or "that doesn't make much difference." Knowing how busy Chris is and how much he knows (and knowing that an SEO consultant would charge a hundred bucks for such an answer), I have always been perfectly content with short answers. If I wanted long-winded polite answers that don't help much, I'd email Microsoft. :D

[Cutter]

Peter, I think this was in response to a comment on the post at threadwatch

[Erin]

Peter, I think this was in response to a comment on the post at threadwatchthreadwatch?? Got a link?

I assumed it was in response to this SP post (http://www.sitepoint.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2548251&postcount=108).

[Cutter]

oops, I think you are right

[Young Twig]

I'm the kind of person who is not very blunt at all. I'll be honest about myself, but I try hard not to offend people. And it's pretty stupid. I have a lot of respect for blunt people. I have a ton of respect for Dave, and I'm sure I'd have a ton of respect for Chris if I knew him at all.

[KLB]

You know Young Twig, there is nothing wrong about trying not to offend people. I can be, however extremely hard to not offend people and still be completely honest with them. It isn't impossible, its just very hard. Being able to tell someone they are an idiot to their face and have them walk away without being offended is a very rare gift. I've known a few who could do it and it is dumbfounding to watch. I'd prefer a non-offensive but completely honest individual over a blunt but honest individual any day, but still like the blunt but honest, because I know where they stand on issues.

[Young Twig]

No, I know. You can be blunt without being offensive. But softening what you're saying so as not to offend in most cases doesn't help people.

[KLB]

I know someone who is brutally honest and will tell anyone anything and the other person almost always walks away smiling. I don't know how she does it.

[Young Twig]

It can be done, yeah. I'm just too afraid to try.

[KLB]

I think is all about confidence and presentation. Both take years to master and for some of us there is no hope so we must settle for brutal honesty and occassionally offend people.

[BGray]

I prefer being straight up rather than beating around the bush trying to be PC.
Sometimes the right words rub people the wrong way. That's life.

It's often hard to understand what people really are saying, especially on a forum, when taking the politically correct route.
In the SP case it appears that even a phone call couldn't do the trick..........

[dc dalton]

I know someone who is brutally honest and will tell anyone anything and the other person almost always walks away smiling. I don't know how she does it.

My mother is similar to this ... but she doesn't leave them smiling, she leaves them bewildered. She can rip someone a new one without ever changing the expression on her face and without raising her voice. It's absolutely amazing to watch. The receiver of her ire usually sits there wondering what in the hell just happened!

[Erin]

You know whom I really respect in this regard? It's lo0ol. He's got a remarkable way with words and never leaves you feeling slighted, which is all the more impressive given the electronic medium that he communicates in. Vinnie's really good, too.